when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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