Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Bring me that man meat
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