I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
