What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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