Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
