There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
