She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
