i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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