we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
