come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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