So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
