if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
