I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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