remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
