We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
