oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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