it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
