is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
