I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
