I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
