I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
