Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
