I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
