i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
