He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
