I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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