Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
