Whod you bang
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
