Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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