You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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