i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she peed on how many people?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
