I'm eating all of the evidence.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
