I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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