at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
