I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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