Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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