I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
