I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
