i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
