Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
