I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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