i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
