Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
