Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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