i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
