I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
