I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
