I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
