so explain again why im purple
no
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
