How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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