I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
