I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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