Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
