You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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