I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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