a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
