just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
