If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
