i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Randomize
