I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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