I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
