Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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