They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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