Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Randomize
