i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I have post one night stand depression
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
