I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Vodka?
Forever.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
