If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
