oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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