Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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