he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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