Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
