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Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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