just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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