I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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