I'm laying in your front yard are you home
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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