i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
