Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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